happy eid-ul-fitr dear readers. this celebration is indeed full of victory for moslems, including me. but i come up a little vulnerable. not that someone let me down, maybe it's just me try to judge myself. before college, i had few bestfriends but not much of them consider me as their betsfriend, at least that's what i feel. but now gratefully i have many people who would proudly say i'm their bestfriend.
judging is a relative thing, depend on which eyes it come from. but honestly speaking, we do compare ourself with others. we can say whether we are smarter, more beautiful, more popular, or even less sociable less talented than anyone around us. then something bother me, can we assess these things like; how good we are as a friend? how good we treated our friend? how sincere we are to our friends? and even more...how does our bestfriend feel about being our bestfriend? do you get it? we can't never really know it.
because with our bestfriend, we are ourselves. we can never fake it. and even if we're not good enough our bestfriend would end up just accept it. or if they ran away, then they're not our true one. that's innocent thinking but that's what i believe. why? because i'm that kind of person who no matter how badly my friends treat me, i will stand by her. i will be there at the end of the road when no one gives a fuck to you. i can accept if my friends arent good enough for me as long as they appreciate their life and walk in the line.
"She’s my person. If I murdered someone, she’s the person I’d call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She’s my person."
— Dr. Cristina Yang - 'Drowning on Dry Land'
that's me you would like to call
but lately i feel like i'm not good enough for them. i cried, a lot. i just wanted anyone around me to accept me and my flaws because i believe i also have the good. but somehow they made me feel like my flaws have covered all the good things i have. that's the saddest thing for me. i know their good intention i know that they have all the rights to judged me because they know me so well. but it feels like they use what they know about me against me. i started to think that i am so bad that i dont deserve to look good in front of anyone. geez i'm so sentimental. the thing is, i dont give a fuck if people can't see my good, but these are my bestfriends. these are the most important people in my life. the one that i always sacrifice my best for. and i'm not good enough....
as if i always do something that is not right. i'm clumsy, i'm forgetful, i sometimes put my boyfriend first, i sometimes get lazy. i'm sometimes selfish, i sometimes dont want listen to my bestfriends, i sometimes dont always tell everyone about everything because i wait for the right moment. but all the things i said above, doesn't it suppose to be mistakes everyone has at least once do to their bestfriend? but i always be honest with my bestfriends, i'm not ashamed to say how much i love my bestfriend, when anyone having a birthday trust me i'm the one that's too excited to make them happy. i care too. i dont want a reward for that.
and i never talked behind my bestfriend's back. i had a history being backstabbed by my ex-bestfriend. she told my secrets to her new friends. my sin my shameful history. but what hurts me is not the people knows how bad i am, what hurts me is that i know her fucking worst secret her shameful secret but until now that we are not bestfriend anymore, i never tell anyone. got that? that's what happen when you give your 100% and you didnt get it back. so i'm kind of sensitive when my bestfriend tell my other people what she doesnt like about me. i try not to fuss about it. but deep down, it bites me. i mean if i had something that i think is wrong from you, i would tell you. and find the solution.
i'm also that kind of person who likes to try new things. i make myself busy i find my adventure. i'm busy as hell and it's my fault that sometimes i had to put my bestfriend in the second priority. but i swear at the time they really need me, i would fucking be there for you. i can't stand in one comfort zone for too long, but i dont go find new one, i expand my comfort zone. i dont forget people that i really care about. so it's kind of make me mad when people think i forget them or even more when people forget me because they think i already forget them.
i cant say all these things to them directly. because i'm really stupid at this kind of uttering my heart. i'm good at writing. but if i say this to them i would end up being harsh and judgmental. i even wanted to cry. but my boyfriend say i could cry as much as i want but i should never judge my bestfriends. means that i believe they have a good reason for what they've done. i know. maybe one day, i'll be a good enough person for everyone, and i'll look back and thanked my friends for making me feel this way. who knows?
sorry i blabber too much, dont read this. you might not understand it because i sometimes dont understand myself as well.
Thursday
Friday
The one that i've been afraid to write about
Kita tak perlu terlalu banyak uang
Kita bahagia meski tak kemana-mana
Kamu cantik (cantik) meski tanpa bedak (tanpa bedak)
Rasakan ini senang di dadaku memilikimu (memilikimu)
Satu Hari di Bulan Juni - Tulus
Hello readers, how's July treating you?
Mine is quite exhilarating. I spent the first week of ramadhan with my family. but next week i gotta stay in Jatinangor. I gotta get ready before my 'work' during holiday started. i will tell you about that later. Now i wanna talk about Arie Priatama.
Why? why him? and why now? after 7 months of long roller-coaster relationship? you all must be confused about my title. well, yes, i have failed a few relationships before. and unfortunately, i wrote about them here. i wrote about them because i think they would fill many chapters in my life. but i had to stop writing about them after just a few pages. That's why i'm afraid and i've waited for a sometime to write about him. but now, i'm brave enough to tell about you. Not because i care about how my pages you will fill, but because in the future, i want to read back on my blog and realize how many days i've spent gratefully with you. and to make you realize, you are special for me.
I met Kak Arie, in a cafetaria, about 8 months ago. Can i just be cheesy and say it was love at the first sight? i mean eversince that day i dont stop thinking about him. and apparently him too. so when i get the first direct message on twitter for him, we just matched clicked linked and made it somehow. He is 2 years older than me and he's a basketball player in our faculty, he's the point-maker of the game. i could say i'm glad that he's so mature. he doesnt just go doing what i want. he put me on the line. something that someone should have done to me long time ago. he wants people to see me as wonderful as i am to him. he told me to dress casually and put make up in a simple manner. he care about my style but doesnt want me to look sexy.
he teaches me to be calm in facing my problems, but i likely to be panic, and he will be there, he has that power to calm me down. i usually cry myself out to him everytime i get too overwhelmed with my trouble. at first i have a trust issue for him regarding to his past. and that get us into trouble. he has to adapt with my childishness though, so we did break up a few times. but now we are at that point were everything makes more sense and forever is just a miles away.
we had already been through long distance relationship when i were volunteering to Poland for 2 months. it was hard with the time differences and lack of wifi. but here we are, smiling while reminiscing those hard times. also the best part, we hang out with each other's friend. my friends totally worship him and the way he tame me. and his friends think i'm cooler than his ex (haha! my blog, i can write what i fckn want). we hang out a lot with our companions and it has been great.
but when it comes to the time for only us, he would tickle me, makes me sulk, and most of the time he would joke, and it's not funny, but i laugh somehow. he's so patient with me, like really, i dont want him to reply my message more that 10 minutes, i would be really angry for that. and he's such a jealous boyfriend! haha but i know it's for the sake of love. we like to talk about non sense. at night, when i lay next to him, he would be very sleepy, and i would not stop blabber, and he will reply me until he fell asleep. he's sometimes sulky though, when he's in a badmood and he doesnt want to admit it.
Eventually, i'm so glad we had each other. There are times when we thought we werent meant to be. But i guess some things are just like magnets. They are meant to look for each other. I love you, kak!
oh and... we have the same habit! we like to squeeze people's arm. i thought i was the only person with that habit. relieved.
let me impersonate him:
"heu" (all the time with his sundanese accent)
"selamat pagi sayang"
" yang keluar deh aku udah di depan kosan kamu" (padahal masih jauh)
"ah tangan kamu ga dingin"
" jangan bete atuh yaaang ini udh aku bls kan chatnya"
" dasar tukang ngeselin tukang ngambek"
" miss you bey hihi"
" sholat bey"
" yang itu bajunya benerin"
" ih pacarku hebat "
" maaf ya bey aku gbs sweet"
" bey apatuh di bawah" (trus nyubit idung nadira ampe merah)
Kita bahagia meski tak kemana-mana
Kamu cantik (cantik) meski tanpa bedak (tanpa bedak)
Rasakan ini senang di dadaku memilikimu (memilikimu)
Satu Hari di Bulan Juni - Tulus
Hello readers, how's July treating you?
Mine is quite exhilarating. I spent the first week of ramadhan with my family. but next week i gotta stay in Jatinangor. I gotta get ready before my 'work' during holiday started. i will tell you about that later. Now i wanna talk about Arie Priatama.
Why? why him? and why now? after 7 months of long roller-coaster relationship? you all must be confused about my title. well, yes, i have failed a few relationships before. and unfortunately, i wrote about them here. i wrote about them because i think they would fill many chapters in my life. but i had to stop writing about them after just a few pages. That's why i'm afraid and i've waited for a sometime to write about him. but now, i'm brave enough to tell about you. Not because i care about how my pages you will fill, but because in the future, i want to read back on my blog and realize how many days i've spent gratefully with you. and to make you realize, you are special for me.
I met Kak Arie, in a cafetaria, about 8 months ago. Can i just be cheesy and say it was love at the first sight? i mean eversince that day i dont stop thinking about him. and apparently him too. so when i get the first direct message on twitter for him, we just matched clicked linked and made it somehow. He is 2 years older than me and he's a basketball player in our faculty, he's the point-maker of the game. i could say i'm glad that he's so mature. he doesnt just go doing what i want. he put me on the line. something that someone should have done to me long time ago. he wants people to see me as wonderful as i am to him. he told me to dress casually and put make up in a simple manner. he care about my style but doesnt want me to look sexy.
he teaches me to be calm in facing my problems, but i likely to be panic, and he will be there, he has that power to calm me down. i usually cry myself out to him everytime i get too overwhelmed with my trouble. at first i have a trust issue for him regarding to his past. and that get us into trouble. he has to adapt with my childishness though, so we did break up a few times. but now we are at that point were everything makes more sense and forever is just a miles away.
we had already been through long distance relationship when i were volunteering to Poland for 2 months. it was hard with the time differences and lack of wifi. but here we are, smiling while reminiscing those hard times. also the best part, we hang out with each other's friend. my friends totally worship him and the way he tame me. and his friends think i'm cooler than his ex (haha! my blog, i can write what i fckn want). we hang out a lot with our companions and it has been great.
but when it comes to the time for only us, he would tickle me, makes me sulk, and most of the time he would joke, and it's not funny, but i laugh somehow. he's so patient with me, like really, i dont want him to reply my message more that 10 minutes, i would be really angry for that. and he's such a jealous boyfriend! haha but i know it's for the sake of love. we like to talk about non sense. at night, when i lay next to him, he would be very sleepy, and i would not stop blabber, and he will reply me until he fell asleep. he's sometimes sulky though, when he's in a badmood and he doesnt want to admit it.
Eventually, i'm so glad we had each other. There are times when we thought we werent meant to be. But i guess some things are just like magnets. They are meant to look for each other. I love you, kak!
oh and... we have the same habit! we like to squeeze people's arm. i thought i was the only person with that habit. relieved.
let me impersonate him:
"heu" (all the time with his sundanese accent)
"selamat pagi sayang"
" yang keluar deh aku udah di depan kosan kamu" (padahal masih jauh)
"ah tangan kamu ga dingin"
" jangan bete atuh yaaang ini udh aku bls kan chatnya"
" dasar tukang ngeselin tukang ngambek"
" miss you bey hihi"
" sholat bey"
" yang itu bajunya benerin"
" ih pacarku hebat "
" maaf ya bey aku gbs sweet"
" bey apatuh di bawah" (trus nyubit idung nadira ampe merah)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)