eventually leaving

i dont know why everything seems to be heartbreaking lately. i have been experiencing trouble sleeping lately. haven't got rid the pain of breaking up, yet i have to deal with other kind of sadness. my friends are leaving our hometown, Jakarta, one by one. they're chasing their dream, taking college out of town and some even abroad. i started to think that i'll be losing all those laugh and those exquisite moment that they've put into my life. rewind back, i felt beyond happy to meet these hilarious people in my life, they make me feel really enjoy high school. the way i have never felt before.

 prita (unpad, bandung), saskia (unbraw, malang), kiki (unpad, bandung)

 rafa (uin, jakarta), vania (telkom, bandung), esta (unpad,bandung)

 rifka (unbraw, malang), stevani (ugm, jogja), me (unpad, bandung)

nissa (ui, jakarta), ayu (German),  juliet (German

 we'll meet again my friends, maybe not now, not a month from now. but we'll meet again even after months being separated. i know that true friends never lose the true meaning. different joke but still the same us. different experiences, but still the same mockery. i'll be waiting for the day we'll be gathered, drinking a bit, and laugh again. so long my friends, chase your dream like there's no tomorrow

this video fits perfectly to my current feeling

now i know how it feels like

i dont know how to begin this post. odd. because i tend to have a good energy on writing everytime i get my heart broken.

I hope you know, I hope you knowThat this has nothing to do with youIt's personal, myself and IWe've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanketBut I've got to get a move on with my lifeIt's time to be a big girl nowAnd big girls don't cryDon't cry, don't cry, don't cry 
The path that I'm walkin', I must go aloneI must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grownFairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay 

  Big Girls Dont Cry - Fergie

i have just break up with such a good man. if my heart was a puzzle, then he's the piece that almost fit. almost. unfortunately. i spent almost too many nights thinking how could i succeed with this long distance relationship. while i've failed once, long time ago. just thinking about how we will slowly drifting apart, already tore me. i dont wanna go through that shit again. no, it's not that i gave up on us. but i just know, that he's not the right one to do all this LDR thingy. he needs my presence around him to make our relationship worked. i love you, really. i do very much in love and grateful to have you. but this is my time, to really face my university life and i cant do that while thinking of someone miles away from me. so i decide.i cried, horrible time, believe me. but i'm mature enough to know that this is the right selfish decision for me. i'm sorry i make you cry. it is the last thing i wanna do to you :( i break your heart. but i've given you so many chances to change your attitude, to convince me. but you and i know, we couldnt make it. please, dont cry over me any longer. it devastated me. i dont want to be hurt more than i already felt. please understand just because i cut this relationship, didnt mean i stop loving you. they said "if you love someone, let them go, if they comeback to you, they'll be forever yours" so let me fly my wings and wander my free soul, and one day if i get tired maybe you can provide me a lifetime shelter. and thank you, it has been the most splendid 10 months with you, you've changed me in a way nobody else could. 

:(