the future is now

so here i am writing with a box of pizza and a glass of chocolate milk. my life these past few months have been a struggling battle. graduating from high school is a wake up call for me. that this is it, my future standing so close to me. that future called university. probably for some people, including my mom, public university is way more prestigious than private university. for me, it's not about how cool it would feel to get into popular university, but to prove that 'hey! i ain't just that spoiled little brad with no brain!" being underestimated is just not my thing.
dreams, i'm always full of dream. as so many teenage girls have always been dreaming, i always imagine live far from my parents. living free, tasting the luxury of being an adult. i always feel overwhelmed everytime i think of it. where you can decide whether you want to make your bed or not, waking up early or late, or even eating noodle in the middle of the night. and every little consequence will be on your hand. you're going to broke down and regret things but then you move on not doing the same mistake. that's how challenging to be a free human being.
about me as the only child, dad once said "someday when i and your mom have gone, you will have to living on your own." and that sentence hit me hard. i mean i got not sibling to watch over me when i'm sick or even lend me money when i'm broke. i do have cousins, but things wouldnt be the same i guess.

moreover, i believe that god give us an option of which faith we would want to take. so after all the hard works and tears of depression, i get this :

this was beyond amazing. i was very upset after failed on my SNMPTN test. at that moment, hoping was a dangerous thing to do. but i have my faith on god, i pray and i beg to be given the chance to make my parents proud, to be given the chance to study in the major that i really keen on, and there i go! i get into English Literature on University of Padjajaran Bandung. it's always been my passion to wrote a bestselling novel or became a VOA correspondent.

i believe in the power of god, because i experienced it myself, how god is so kind to me, he listen to my non-stop prayer. and for some other people, maybe god answering your call with a different way. but this is the way it is given to me, magnificent!

so i got my dream on the track and i got what i have been hoping for since i grew up. not in an easy way, i sacrificed a lot of pain. and now i got so anxious yet so overwhelmed, I'M GOING TO LIVE ON MY OWN, OUT OF TOWN, FREE! it drives me crazy, one side i feel scare about not being able to cope the situation but the other side i know that this is a maturity process. i'll make myself  get used with Loneliness, so it couldn't beat me anytime in the future. i'm ready for the tears and desperation i'm going to face in the future.

i'm so ready, world!