Tonight, Im terribly missing those times when making hard choice is as simple as dont know where to eat, dont know where to spend my saturday night, or event just to choose what outfit to wear.
Tonight I realize how as i am getting older, making hard choice actually means making hard choice. The kind of choice that will affect the rest of your life. If you know that broken heart makes you lay awake in the night thinking why you are not good enough, what about making choice? It makes you wake up in the morning thinking how clueless you are with your own self. It makes you realize how you never really know what you want. It's kinda ruin every piece of your self-esteem.
Tonight I am thinking back of the choices i made. Eventho I've tried to make it simple when explaining to everyone who asked the reason behind my choice, but in fact every time i answered, it's myself that i am trying to convinced. Not them. I am trying to make believe. I am trying to sync between the reason that my brain made up with what i really feel.
Tonight i realize it's never gonna be easy. Not such thing as making the right choice. Because even if you choose between A or B, eventually A and B will still hurt you. Because no such thing as perfect. Knowing this doesn't make it easy tho. It even makes you want to quit instead, not choosing anything. But you could never bear the regret if you do. So yeah, you still stuck in this riddle
Tonight i realize that it's not about A or B. It about believing in yourself. It's about saving yourself. It's about being bold, knowing what is your needs. It's about being selfish. It's about not letting anyone make the choice for you. It's about giving your 100% to the choice that you made.
Tonight i am trying to be bold. I admit that my choice is not the great one. But it is the right one. How do i know it is? This is why human needs best friends. Right at this part in your life where you know what is right for you but you don't feel like you deserve it, that's when your best people step in. Letting you know that it's not gonna be alright all the time, but it will someday.
Tonight i'm facing my own choice. I embrace it. I surrender myself to it. I no longer want to runaway from it. I dont want to doubt my own choice anymore. I accept the fact that it is okay to need time to adapt to your own choice. That it is okay that not everyone will like, comply, or understand your choice. It is okay that in the process you will feel hurt and pain and feel stupid because it is actually your own choice. I'm only human.
Tonight, at this very moment, I allow myself to forgive. To be bold. Once my friend said " Karma only exist if you believe that you have done something bad. It doesnt apply if you are doing something because you believe it is right."
Tonight, at 1: 38. My vulnerability has became my power. To see the world beyond just what other people need from and think of me. But to see it with my own perspective, to save myself. I am gonna learn and love fully through my own choice.
PS : This is to everyone who think they have made the wrong choices, i was there....
