The Alchemist
Here i am writing at 3 am in the morning, doing something that i have ignored for months. I haven't been writing anything for myself, i'm busy doing things that in aiesec term is called developing others. Somehow, i have forgotten to nurture myself along with the people that i love and care about. Writing this blog was my therapy, after sometimes, i started to think i dont need it anymore. Until tonight i kind of falling apart, and i have no one to confide to but myself.
Sadly, but i never had time to talk to my own self. The old me could never be that kind of person. The old me was melancholic, the old me always have so much time to think about her feeling. I'm still impulsive though. I just miss the clueless version of me who is trying to impress others but think that she can't never do it, so she just had fun with her life. I went through this blog page, i was that kind of person who prioritize friendship and worship my own happiness. That stupid version of me who is fading.
The thing about the current me is, she knows what she can do and she knows how to impress others. And once the feeling of being able to prove something to others struck you, it's addicting. the kind of placebo that please you fleetingly. I am so busy, doing this and that. I found my passion, I want to work for those who is unlucky and need help. But the questions haunt me, what if i forget about my self? what if i ran too fast and i forget to stop by to see my own life. i forgot to think that everyone have their own race and speed, and people would finally get tired of trying to follow me. They would actually run in a different path with me. But i will not realized it until i stop to see no one's left, i have no choice but to run my own race, against myself, i dont have anyone but me.
Because it does feel so homesick.You go day by day and everything feels the same. But when you look back, you're surprised of how much things have changed.....
