bali

lets make this a quick prologue. one day my dad wake me up and show me ticket to bali. his boss gave it to him for i-dont-know the reason. i had been wanting bali since...my whole life! i went to bali when i was at first grade and the only thing i remember....nothing. me mom and dad was going to bali, sounds weird. cause frankly this is our first family vacation. we were always have vacation with my mom's relatives. so this is the first time for the three of us. 4 days, i left school for thusday and friday and arrived back at jakarta on sunday.

spent the first night at hard rock cafe live music

  eating at the top of tanah lot and seeing sunset

 Jimbaran. dinner at the beach listening to live music talking with my parents. awesome

 kuta beach

 the making of my temporary tatoo. cost 50.000 idr

  griya wisnu kencana bali

Klapa Restaurant at Dreamland. this place is a paradise i suggest to you

 Monkey Forest at Ubud. This is the closest i dare to the monkey lol

.

 my best partner in crime

♥♥♥

drama drama drama

            So this girl was so broken hearted after being left by this man that this past 2 years she thought was her soul mate. Then she found this new man came unexpectedly to her life. He’s romantic, funny, goofy, and rag. The worst part that this man was her friend’s ex. And this man has a bad reputation about women. He was a total jerky playboy. But somehow this girl just couldn’t resist this man, she ignored it. He got her doing thing that she were never did. Everything went perfect, she hide it perfectly until….came another man. He is cute, kind, shy and…perfect. He liked her. He knew about the other man but he fell too hard for this girl so he didn’t give up behind the fact that this man is a friend of the other man. This girl tried hard to fit in with this new man and made everyone happy. But she just couldn’t lie to herself. So she left this perfect man and she turn around to the first guy. She was just willing to take every risk.

Her friends finally found out. They were so mad and cursed her. Not just because she has hurt her friend’s feeling but because her friends think that it was extremely stupid to sacrifice everything just for that kind of man. What they didn’t know, he makes her happy and save. But finally under all those pressure, she defeated. She questioned to herself how she can be so selfish. How could she never think about how her friend would’ve feel. She fell to the worst guilty feeling in the world. While now all her friends hate her for her own mistake.  

Suddenly the perfect man walked into her life again. He told her that he want to be her friend and help her with all these problems. He was there when this girl crying devastatedly. He was there to calm her down. He was there to help her made the right decision. So finally the girl decided to broke up with this playboy man because she was haunted by guilty feeling. This girl thanked that man for ever being the best part of her life.

Fortunately her friends could forgive her and give her chances. This girl is enough happy with that and she doesn’t expect anything from this perfect man. They spent a lot of time together it seems like this man can’t stay a minute without her. They become friends and as what she has predicted she fell for that man. Everything went well for a while until she found out that this man’s friends didn’t like her and told him to stay away. That man chose his friend over her and that hurts her quite bad.

Things became awkward between them. It’s like hiding each other’s feeling. So one day that girl decided to directly ask what the hell they going to actually be. That man finally said that he loves her so much and he wanted her to wait for the right condition. And he promised to make a happy ending for both of them. The girl trusted him. So they did this thing called backstreet from everyone else. Its okay for her as long as she knew that man loves him.

One day this girl were outside the town for a few days and when she get back all she know that this man already dating another girl. No explanation. Just like that. As she remembered the last time they encountered the man still struck her hair smoothly and they laughed till late at night. She was totally crashed and dejected. She realized that she was deceived all this time. She was stupidly didn’t noticed who that man really are. She tried to survive. Because everyone else kept saying that this is ‘karma’ yeah karma’s a bitch. This girl gets quite important lessons from all of these things. And she didn’t regret a thing. She just saying ‘what the fuck I’m tired with drama’

party people

talking about teenager you cant separate them with 'party and drama' this post i'll cater you with the party i had attended lately and the next one i'll be giving you lots of dramas.so stay tune readers!

Adinda Kalbuadi's- Barcode Kemang

Pamela Novranska's- Pisa Cafe Menteng

and i proudly introduce you to my STROVOLT 0'12
photos taken : sahur on the road 2010

 together we're invincible!

ya know i'm just having the time of my life! xoxo

i should mention you i love being the object ;)

photographer: pamela novranska
location: pulomas

anyway i'm in Ouch Magazine October in rubric 'Catch Me If You Can' it is a rubric that promote people and their profile to you. especially people with achievment in any subject. but there is some mistake, it is written that i am expert at basketball. i'm not at all. it supposed to be dance championship

catch ya later readers! xoxo

last post for you

hello so here i am gonna spill it out like no one is reading
just broke up a month ago with my 30months boyfriend. since that everything is pretty much horrible.
it isn't night that seize me. it's morning that take control.
the feeling when i wake up, i just stay quiet on the bed. remembering how empty everything is now.
i just keep thinking 'why the hell am i wake up?'
it tortures me. he isnt mine anymore, that fuckin truth my brain cant seems to understand.
just stalked his facebook. he looks happy now. everyone loves him.
yes, that handsome man whose i always take control in everything he did this past 2 years.
now we're strangers
that fact smother me like a mom without children or human without oxygen. that's i am without you now.
and then the little bastard called 'regret' come to my mind.
the sickest part was when you tell me to move on, easily come out from your mouth
matter fact i'm now have no right to know where you are who you are what are you doing.
i'm scared to death of being replaced
i used to know you so well. i'm the first in everything you do.
i'll delete the current you and save the old you on my hard disk
i'll always remember the way you sing, your sarcastic voice, your fragrance, the way you ask me to translate something to english
cant imagine you'll introduce someone new to your friend and family, someone better than me.
and of course they'll loved her
this is cliche but everywhere i go i always have something that remind me of you
this past two years, you are everywhere, even in my aunt's house
while you read this, dont give your pity to me
i dont need that, i honestly hate you now. and you surely know why.
and i'm not going to say 'have a happy life' cause i dont want to see you happy with anyone but me
just take care of yourself.
and i know while you read this you'll remember all those lies i threw to you
you just never really look to yourself and that's what screw everything.
i dont see the point anymore
i've decided from this minutes, you and me are just two people that never know each other.
long time ago you've once make me happily cry just because you make everything so perfect, i thank you for that
and since we've lost contact i just want you to know 'you look handsome on that bicycle photograph'
adios

captain of psychedelic dance 0'12

hello fellas! happy story is coming on your way! remember my dance team? PSYCHEDELIC dance or usually called PSY 0'12. the six of us has been together for a year. we are dancers who become a bestfriends. happy, sad, good, bad, cry, laugh, everything!  and 2 weeks ago we have officialy become a part of psychedelic sman 21. we have done the ritual which is made by the alumnus every year. First we arranged the breakfasting at Kelapa Gading with the alumnus, senior, and junior. And then they brought us to La Piaza. We wore our dance costume and perform one by one! you should imagine how crowded the mall was! I somehow get the last turn. i almost threw up because of nervous!!! first they ask my vision and mission and last my ambition which is to become the captain. along the years, i've worked hard to manage and organize my team schedule. i debated and convinved them confidently though my heart beating irregularly. next, i did some dance moves and freestyle. some senior shouted and told me to fix my expression. thanks god i passed that. next is the final decision. alhamdulillah i am choosen to be captain of 2012 :) i'm extremely happy and proud. The former captain give me lots of advices. I promise, I wouldnt disappoint them. I want to keep improves our skill and introduced our team to as many people as we can . i will lead my team and my junior (psy 0'13)  into victories. Amin. I love you my psychedelic!!!

the senior and alumnus

left to right: vanda, ayu, dinda, april, me

the one who become the captain will be pushed the last

psychedelic sman 21

-captain xoxo

someone special

Your bass distinct voice
Actually sounds like an old man
Yet i always long for it
We have phone call till dawn
Said i wont sleep before someone sing me lullaby

I adore your bizarre habit   
The moment if you get bored
You pretend chewing something in your mouth
When i tell you to stop
You'll keep doing it to tease me

Reff: 
Thanks for let me be someone special
For someone that special   
Cause you're my someone special
And you said i'm your special one

Your perfume its not armani
Bvlgary or Calvin Klein
It's only a cheap one from the supermarket
But if its you i could sniff from miles away
Your sweaty hug I miss the most

Back to reff

Been 2 years since you've been my someone special
You're unlike other
Just wanna tell you
You're still my someone special

The lyrics was made by me and the music with a help from my friend. I made this when i was madly in love with you. And now that we broke up, i decide to post this. dedicated to Dimas Ramadhani Soeharto

i need help out here

Hello readers! sorry for abandoning you lately. nothing quite special happen except the fact that i still struggle to let go of my deceased grandma. i get easily cry when i look at her photo and i cant spent one night without reminisce about her before my sleep. i miss her. it is insane that i pray everyday wish i could see her on my dream tonight. things have been rough nowadays and i feel alone.

2 years and a half. It isn't a short time. It has been upside down. 2 years and a half means he has got into most of everything in my life. I want to share you a few phase of our time. The first six months is an innocent phase. We both found out about each other, get used to it, and most of the time we flirt. It was the sweetest time. The next six months or first year phase is a time when we both survived among the bored feeling. It was also the time dimas started college at Jogja. One year and a half phase is time for our loyalty and trust being questioned. That was the hardest part of long distance relationship tried to not being flattered by the environment. 2 years phase is about loving each other the way they are. To accept them in bad and support them in good. And here we are at the 2 years and a half.  Phase for us trying to get back the 'sparks' and the chemistry as it was. I'm stuck on this phase.

I know this sounds lame and childish but i'm now begging for the old romantic time we used to share. Sweet words, public display affection, unexpected surprise or even sending unimportant messages. Time when no matter how busy we are, we still have time to be on the phone for hours. I want it back. Doesn't mean that i'm bored with my current relationship. I just want the sparks back. Been a long time since the last time i feel butterflies on my stomach.

Can you help me solve this readers? I wish i cold still write about me and him cause we're now run out of story

in memoriam of my beloved grandma

dear readers, the title above might have explain to you what happen. she died last Monday. i'll try to define everything briefly
my childhood

my grandma raises 9 children. my mom is the second daughter. and for some reason,  since i was born i 've stayed with my grandparent. until last May i have to move out from the house because my grandparent's house gonna have some renovation. Granny was...my everything. she's unlike any other grandma. she's cheerful and kind, she feed my neighbor's dog everyday with our food. she has a lot of friends. i remember when i was a kid she always force me to take a nap after school and i will sneaked out when she fell asleep. i remember when i get measles, she took care of me and put the medicine all over my body. she had ALWAYS wake up earlier than anyone and make a breakfast. her fried rice and chicken soup are the best! she was all fine until last year she fell while she was tidying the bed. she broke her leg and got surgery. after that accident, she become so thin and limp. i remember after the surgery she cried in the middle of the night because she couldn't go anywhere without help, i cry too. i was always so scared of losing her. i sometimes imagine the day  when she will pass away and i always end up cry. that day had finally come.
last day

my family gathered at Artha Gading on Saturday because my aunt was going to move to Canada on Sunday. i hadnt met my grandma for 2 weeks and she cried while she hug me, she said she miss me. i wish i realized that it was a sign. after an hour, she suddenly shivered until her teeth chattering. me and my cousin brought her out and she said 'opung udah mau mati' stupidly i dont really worry at that time. on the night i slept with grandma. i was pissed with her because she want to turn off the air conditioner. i'm sorry grandma i'm really sorry :( her body suddenly shivered again, i started to feel weird and told my aunts to bring her to hospital. but everyone said it was usually happens. Sunday morning was the last time i talk to her:"( later in afternoon, i heard news that my grandma has taken to the hospital. my family stay connected through blackberry group and the doctor said she had typhus. my uncle sent a photo of my grandma sleeping. me and my parent were too tired to visit. dawn at 3.30 am my aunt called my mom and told that grandma is in ICU. i'm  quite worry but 10 minutes later my aunt called again and grandma already passed away. 

that was the darkest dawn in my life, i just cry. i arrived at the hospital and all i see my grandma's body surrounded by my family, everyone was crying, my grandpa was screaming, that room all white and i couldnt describe you my feeling, i felt falling apart i feel dark i feel sorrow i feel regret i feel everything in me lost.

the funeral days

my grandma's body was stayed at rumah duka gatot subroto for 3 days. my grandma is christian and it is one of batak custome. that 3 days my life stopped spinning, spent all day at the funeral house. i didn't go to school, didnt go to english course, just sat there and cried every time i see her body. i was so miserable. she is so beautiful with kebaya and  ulos. there were too many people come and everybody' is shocked of her death because she was all fine before. everybody loves her and call her mom. my grandpa is the one who really suffer. he surely couldnt stop crying and it kills me slowly. as the closest grandchild to both of them,,i feel torn. My aunt from Australia flight back to Jakarta real soon, but my aunt from Norwaygia and Canada couldn't make it. the last day was the hardest one. all my aunts and even uncles cried out loud when the coffin was going to be closed. i kissed grandma and stroke her face for the last time and finally i screamed. my tears never stop for you, you're to precious opung boru. yes you are....

i love you pung, i'm sorry i haven't give the best for you. i wish we could live at the house together again. i wish you know how grandpa is dying without you. he cried at your favorite restaurant. i remember you all the time. i wish i know that was my last time with you. i almost crazy. every night before i sleep i always pray to meet you on my dream. when i fight with mom is the worst part, i used to have you to hug me and defend me. i miss you grandma. i know you're now happy up there with god beside you, you must be his most beautiful angel. 

ps: she died because of diabetes. nobody knows because she never controls to the doctor. she was just look too healthy. and thank you to dimas for holding my back, you know i cant through this without you...

  at the hospital, she slept tight

me and grandpa

an angel...

Q&A

Met someone who change you?
Him : ever since i met you
Me  : Dimas Ramadhani Soeharto
Something you cannot wait for
Him : graduate 
Me  : marry you
One person you wanna apologize right now
Him : you
Me  : you
Song that reminds you of me
Him : Dear God- Avenged Sevenfold
Me  : Awake- Secondhand Serenade
Things you do when you miss me
Him : Hugging the pillow or sometimes kiss your photo on my bb
Me  : bbm-ing you all the time
Someone who looks like me
Him : no one
Me  : an angel maybe? :p
Best gift from me
Him : your presence
Me  : red elmo doll
My part of body you like the most
Him  : your hip
Me  : your arm
Our best moment
Him : we were having dinner and we talk like there's no one else on the restaurant
Me  : Singapore
Things you want to do with me
Him : having a holiday just the two of us
Me  : nyusul kamu ke jogja

last night i got fever, dimas stayed at my home, i lay on his chest and cuddle him. i was a bit unconcious because i felt so dizzy. wake up in the morning and realize that last night i fell asleep in his hug is the best feeling in the world. thank you.

i dont need VIP if i get this

embrace me and please never release. this bliss, overwhelm my heart everytime you hold me. no one can replace. gorgeously warm yet mild. the smell of you i cant forget. please never ever let go....

recent updates

hello readers :) glad to write again! this will be just a short post about what happen lately.
well first of all grateful to say that i get science class! my parent actually handed the decision on me. but i know they expected science class and i made it! wohooo. and so a few weeks ago i went to mega mendung to attend 'tafakur alam' organized by my school. and i successfully jump into the river from a height of 3 meters! can you imagine that? i'm phobia of height and i did it! the only thing on my mind before jump 'this is a fucking once in a lifetime chance' the water is freezing but the waterfall scenery is a well payback!

About my 16 birthday, i got turtle and turquoise (my fav color) malindi crocs from my parents! much love and kisses :) I'm so in love with my brazilian turle, his name is milo. he is now 6 years old. i put him on aquarium but in my spare time i set him free. and he's unstopable! he disappears so fast and love to climb rock on my garden! even if he fall, he can turn over himself! sometimes when i touch him, he will leap forward and hissing. i ever once threw him :( my bad. i was shocked when he suddenly went rage and pull out his claw. and i just realized that the claw actually isnt hurt. after all, he's special!

Last but not least, me and my dancers performed at our senior's prom night party. it was celebrated at Crown Hotel and the theme is Bollywood. so we decided to rent the costume and it is awesome! we have new song and new concept and we work hard for that, thanks god we succeed!

xoxo