in memoriam of my beloved grandma

dear readers, the title above might have explain to you what happen. she died last Monday. i'll try to define everything briefly
my childhood

my grandma raises 9 children. my mom is the second daughter. and for some reason,  since i was born i 've stayed with my grandparent. until last May i have to move out from the house because my grandparent's house gonna have some renovation. Granny was...my everything. she's unlike any other grandma. she's cheerful and kind, she feed my neighbor's dog everyday with our food. she has a lot of friends. i remember when i was a kid she always force me to take a nap after school and i will sneaked out when she fell asleep. i remember when i get measles, she took care of me and put the medicine all over my body. she had ALWAYS wake up earlier than anyone and make a breakfast. her fried rice and chicken soup are the best! she was all fine until last year she fell while she was tidying the bed. she broke her leg and got surgery. after that accident, she become so thin and limp. i remember after the surgery she cried in the middle of the night because she couldn't go anywhere without help, i cry too. i was always so scared of losing her. i sometimes imagine the day  when she will pass away and i always end up cry. that day had finally come.
last day

my family gathered at Artha Gading on Saturday because my aunt was going to move to Canada on Sunday. i hadnt met my grandma for 2 weeks and she cried while she hug me, she said she miss me. i wish i realized that it was a sign. after an hour, she suddenly shivered until her teeth chattering. me and my cousin brought her out and she said 'opung udah mau mati' stupidly i dont really worry at that time. on the night i slept with grandma. i was pissed with her because she want to turn off the air conditioner. i'm sorry grandma i'm really sorry :( her body suddenly shivered again, i started to feel weird and told my aunts to bring her to hospital. but everyone said it was usually happens. Sunday morning was the last time i talk to her:"( later in afternoon, i heard news that my grandma has taken to the hospital. my family stay connected through blackberry group and the doctor said she had typhus. my uncle sent a photo of my grandma sleeping. me and my parent were too tired to visit. dawn at 3.30 am my aunt called my mom and told that grandma is in ICU. i'm  quite worry but 10 minutes later my aunt called again and grandma already passed away. 

that was the darkest dawn in my life, i just cry. i arrived at the hospital and all i see my grandma's body surrounded by my family, everyone was crying, my grandpa was screaming, that room all white and i couldnt describe you my feeling, i felt falling apart i feel dark i feel sorrow i feel regret i feel everything in me lost.

the funeral days

my grandma's body was stayed at rumah duka gatot subroto for 3 days. my grandma is christian and it is one of batak custome. that 3 days my life stopped spinning, spent all day at the funeral house. i didn't go to school, didnt go to english course, just sat there and cried every time i see her body. i was so miserable. she is so beautiful with kebaya and  ulos. there were too many people come and everybody' is shocked of her death because she was all fine before. everybody loves her and call her mom. my grandpa is the one who really suffer. he surely couldnt stop crying and it kills me slowly. as the closest grandchild to both of them,,i feel torn. My aunt from Australia flight back to Jakarta real soon, but my aunt from Norwaygia and Canada couldn't make it. the last day was the hardest one. all my aunts and even uncles cried out loud when the coffin was going to be closed. i kissed grandma and stroke her face for the last time and finally i screamed. my tears never stop for you, you're to precious opung boru. yes you are....

i love you pung, i'm sorry i haven't give the best for you. i wish we could live at the house together again. i wish you know how grandpa is dying without you. he cried at your favorite restaurant. i remember you all the time. i wish i know that was my last time with you. i almost crazy. every night before i sleep i always pray to meet you on my dream. when i fight with mom is the worst part, i used to have you to hug me and defend me. i miss you grandma. i know you're now happy up there with god beside you, you must be his most beautiful angel. 

ps: she died because of diabetes. nobody knows because she never controls to the doctor. she was just look too healthy. and thank you to dimas for holding my back, you know i cant through this without you...

  at the hospital, she slept tight

me and grandpa

an angel...