Have you ever think about taking trips alone? To be alone in the crowd, to be alone in foreign countries, to completely depend on yourself in a very strange places, and to only be able to talk to yourself for hours? The old me neither. But it was a long time ago. Turns out my life afterwards are full of lonesome journey that i never thought i'd be brave enough to take. Even when you looked at me, you might not be able to imagine how many solo trips i had been through. Being an alien among the living, that's how i will describe these experiences. I wasn't scared anymore of being seen alone and people think of me as a freak. Maybe because some of my solo trips are beyond my own imagination. It takes part in another continent, in Europe. I always have unique experiences.The one that very special was my when i took 22 hours bus from Poland to Amsterdam.
I already had a bad feeling when i got into the bus and the driver told me that i must change to another bus in the next 2 hours. It wasn't stated in the booking, but i tried to convince myself that it will be okay. At that time, i didn't have polish sim card and only had 20 euro cash. So i completely can only depend on myself. When we arrived in the rest area, which was in the middle of nowhere, i immediately put my luggage to another bus. I told the driver that i need to pee and i asked how long till they will leave. He said ten with his hand (he didn't speak english), so i said "Okay i'm going to toilet, please wait for me." I wasn't that long in the toilet. But when i got out from the toilet, I saw my bus already on the exit gate, i couldnt possibly catch it. I realize that all my luggage was there and i basically have nothing. You know that moment when your heart beats so fast, you start to think so quickly about ANY solution that is possible. I ran to other bus who park there, and i told them i was left by my bus. I went to the bus with the same company. The difficult part is the drivers can't speak English. So they just asked me to sit and called someone for so long. I had no idea if they understand me or not. It was the moment i cannot breath and i couldn't even cry because i'm too busy making scenarios in my mind. Then they told me to go with the bus that were going to London. They said something in Polish that i did not understand at all. I just sat in the bus wishing myself luck, until they stopped on the next rest area and there you go my bus. One of the officer from my bus came to me and said "Sorry i forget to wait for you" in English. I was like......don't care anymore. I just feel grateful. I went through the next 20 hours not talking a single word to anyone.
Arriving in Netherland, I stopped by in the tram station near the suburban. I brought a big suitcase and dragged it to the station and i realize i had no coins and they don't accept paper money. So I went to my bus company and asked them to change my money into coins and they CANNOT do that for i don't fucking know the reason. And of course, i still didn't have wifi to contact anyone in this whole world. Once again, i'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. Suddenly, one of the officer told me to go to the next station by walking around 500 meter. Besides my big luggage, what scares me is the street was so narrow and creepy, eventho it's 1 pm. No one pass by and a lot of big trees. I'm scared as fuck, but i had no choice. I didn't even know where exactly the station is, just following my instinct. Everytime i saw someone pass by, i always thought he could've just killed me and robbed me and no one would ever find my body in that place. It felt so long, eventho i never walk that FAST in my life. I finally arrived and had to asked a lady to help me with the ticket machine and i even confused on how to get into the tram. I was a stupid bule. I made it to Amsterdam and ate by myself. Well, to complete the day, you might should know that after using all the money to eat, i ended up realize that i couldn't take my money from atm, so i change my rupiah and i have only 10 euros. I had to wait 1 hour in the Amsterdam Station for my friend to come and check in into the hotel. It was indeed a hilarious day.
Besides this, I also have some short trips alone in Europe. I took train from Warsawa to Katowice for 4 hours by myself. I ate in the cafe in station and the cashier, who of course cannot speak English, tried to fool me by giving me wrong change. I have to gather my guts for so long to ask for the right amount. I was so nervous but i act cool. One of the memorable trip also happened when i had to catch my plane on 6.30 am from Asmterdam to Rome. I took the first bus at 4 am from my hostel alone to the airport. At that time, it was still dark. There esd only me and 2 African dudes in the bus. They kept looking at me. Me and my big luggage. But i tried to be positive and i look through the window, Amsterdam was quiet, unlike the day when it was so busy. I watch the sunrise by myself. It think i was lucky enough to see the empty Amsterdam. Well, after that i almost miss my plane because the airport was so big.
Other crazy shit had ever happen to me once, when i was late to check in on my plane from Poland to Germany. They literally have closed the check-in counter. And the plane was ready to take off. But they wait for me. I brought my big luggage to cabin and pay 60 euro for that. I was the last person that get on the plane. Oh and the best part, they had to open my luggage and literally throw everything that have liquid and even check my underwear in front of all immigration people, talking everything in Polish. Again, i'm too panic to even think. I just get away from that successfully. When i remind back, i sometimes couldn't believe myself. There are countless trips alone, domestic or international. I was going home alone from Berlin to Jakarta. The best part was, I only have 1 hour transit time in Doha and my plane was late 30 minutes. And the immigration in Doha is always so long and they check every fucking thing you brought . So i was literally running from the plane, going through the immigration line, and get into my gate safe and sound. I almost die of panic attack, everyone was looking at me. I was again, an alien.
How did i turn to be this brave? Well i think it was because of my exchange experience with AIESEC. I went through 6 weeks in Bielsko- Biala, a very small city in south poland. That 6 weeks, i went alone everyday to the school where i'm teaching. My first day i was lost, i stopped in the wrong bus stop. I called my hostfam but because i have wrong pronounciation of the station name, she must spend 30 minutes to finally find me. It was winter with 2 degrees and i wait outside for that long. Freezing and alone. Other time when i was lost, i tried to find my own way back. I went through a lot of moments like this, i did my grocery shopping alone or visit my friends and went through the dark street where no one pass by at all. That small city teach me a lot about being brave and independent.
These are just few of my solo trips. After i work in AIESEC Indonesia, i did a lot of visit out of town by myself. From economic train until executive bus, from delayed airplane to missing the train. From 5 hour train to Semarang until 15 hours bus to Purwokerto. From being all alone in the Jogja bus station at 4 am until almost missing my bus in Sidoarjo, because i waited in the wrong station.
I am proud of me as an extrovert, i have conquer the biggest fear, being alone with myself for so long. I ALWAYS avoid being alone in normal time, so these times when im alone, it was something i never knew i needed. First, i become really aware of my surrounding. Looking at careless people who always skip the line or people who are as lonesome as i am. I become really aware of my body and belongings, i put attention to every part of my physical self, something that rarely happen in real life when you get too busy. I sometimes think about sad things when i look at the window, even when the scenery was so beautiful, everything can hurt. Every song can suddenly bring past memories. Sometimes i suddenly cry, other times i smile like crazy looking at videos or pictures in my phone.
But there are also times when being alone makes me come up with what i should do next in life, i evaluate myself. Sometimes i felt so lonely too, like, i realize maybe if i gone missing no one would really care, that's when i remember that i can never count on anyone but me. I learn a lot of things that i didn't thing i will know, like to always ask anything to security and officer. I become THAT brave to ask and communicate with strangers, otherwise there will be catastrophe. I learn to be positive thinking, even when i'm so scared that something bad will happen to me, but i must conquer my fear. I learn to be smart when the situation was so shitty. I learn even learn small things like reading map, using ticket machines, and standing in the right lane. I learn to be alien, to get used people looking at me strangely or speaking something that i don't understand.. I'm just grateful that i have these experiences. it isn't always beautiful, but i wouldn't trade this with anything else. You know what else so good? You don't have to follow anyone and you can do whatever you want, it was a trues freedom.
If you read this, i don't think you will learn anything important. But i hope you find bravery to be alone with yourself, to go through trips, step outside of your comfort zones. It was so beautiful knowing that i could d such things that i didn't think i could. It makes me more confidence in other things in life. Go, don't doubt yourself. Be the alien.
1 comment:
Always amaze...
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