sharing

honestly, i'm literally feel stuck about my blog. barely have anyone comment on my post and spam all over my cbox. where does all the excitement go? stumble upon good blogs yet have no idea what i should write on my own. i feel lifeless. 12'th grade hasn't going on very well so far. i just realised that i'm suck, big time, at science subject, while i'm a science students. and since i stop all the dancing activities, and being avoided from all my hobbies, i'm less happy than i were before. and so i'll just finish all these school shit and then let me do everything that i want, okay universe? well now, i wanna tell my readers something i had hide from most of people. not that i'm ashamed of it but more like i dont want anyone stare at me with pity. i've been suffered from scoliosis disease. fyi, scoliosis is a medical condition in which people's spine is curved like 'S', or my spine isn't straight unlike normal people. i can't show you my x-ray but this is from google which kinda look alike

my scoliosis is lumber scoliosis

when i first diagnosed by the doctor, he told me that i need a surgery. they will put an iron stick on my spine and after it i will not be able to move freely, especially dancing. if i don't do the surgery, i will be paralyzed and i will experienced backpain continuously for the rest of my life. and for a 15 year old girl who at that time knew nothing about scoliosis, it scares the hell out of me. i was crying, and all my future flashing through my mind. but then mom, the one who stood strong for me, finds out more about this disease. and we found another alternative besides surgery. I attempted Chiropractic therapy, every 3 times a week i came to Darmawangsa Square and did some exercise before meet the doctor. i had to laid down on the bed and the doctor will choose one spot on my spine and he would press it until we can hear 'CRACK' sound. that was scary but didn't hurt that much. after about 3 months, no progress really happens and it cost much actually. so mom decided to stop the therapy. we turn to one of chinese's treatment for scoliosis. so there was this chinese woman who do the massage on my spine and it hurts so badly. but i didnt cry though all the other patient does. i stopped all the treatments when i get into highschool.
scoliosis affect my life, i often feel backpain when i wake up in the morning or after i stand/walk for too long. furthermore, my friends keep mocking about my uneven hips and the way i walked which is weird (it's like one my leg is longer than the other one). they keep saying things without knowing what pain i've been through. i cry because i do have heart too, but i'm a lot stronger then. afterwards, i start dancing, i'm forced to have a flexible body (with a painful streching and workout) and my posture is shaped due to my attitude on the stage. my spine is straightened when i do the dance movement. i feel less backpain eversince. when i'm forced to vacuum from dancing, i started to do Pilates to keep my posture right because actually the bend (of my spine) already stopped at the age of 17.
so that was my story.......if you experience scoliosis like me, you might want to contact me cause now i'm also looking for other treatment. and for you who often feel backpain and have a peculiar gait, you might want to check it to the doctor. scoliosis doesn't kill, it teaches me to make something from my flaws instead of whining about it